after i finished my poetry book, i like her, it sat completed for months. what if people hated it, thought i was stupid? what if my dad gets mad? what if i upset my family? what if everyone hates it? what if it’s a complete failure?

but what if it’s not??

some eyes may roll but when i tell you that taylor alison swift took me by the hand and gently pulled me across the finish line, there is no other truth to tell as to what nudged me across the threshold from fear of failure and no confidence to making the decision to prove to myself that i can.

i began watching taylor, the old interviews, her as a teeny bopper, telling reporters that her greatest drive was to be for other young girls what leann rimes was for her, to inspire young girls. i leaned into all the shit she had to push through, the hate spewed, the jealousy, this dark and evil society, to get to where she is. i began paying closer attention to her determination and self-confidence that never wavered and i noticed how she stands in her authenticity no matter what. i watched videos of her in concert, the light in her eye, the joy radiating from her spirit, and the way she looked around her thousands of fans each time, as if it were the first time, with so much humility and gratitude.

three days leading up to my submitting my final manuscript to the printer, i watched tay tay continuously, through tears, an immense amount of fear, and absolute panic. i finally hit submit and immediately, a great amount of the stress dissipated into excitement and motivation to jump into doing all i needed to in order to prepare for a book release and for the building of a publishing company.

hindsight is already revealing that i have to prove it to myself. i am never going to be confident enough. i am never going to be ready. i have let myself down way too many times.